Flower are budding. Rivers are swelling. Bunnies are humping. Can somebody tell me why the world is full of rebirth and newness when my wife's 'dead' status remains unchanged? I think I have reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder. I would be quite happy skipping ahead to Autumn and Winter. Then the world might look as dreary as it ought to. At least my world.
I'm not knocking any of you gardeners or hikers or Easter-nistas who've been waiting for the last frost of the season to finally pass. But for me, seeing the world (at least the Northern Hemisphere) green in growth just feels icky. Wrong. There's fuckin' new grass sprouting, six feet above my wife's body. I'd like to call 'bullshit' on reality.
That being said, my actions seem to agree with Spring. I'm working harder and been more focused on, well, getting a life. I have something akin to hope for the coming months. I'm steady growing my hair out like crabgrass. I'm starting to face all the responsibilities I've been denying since last October. I hate to admit it, but I even did some Spring Cleaning. But I didn't like it. As in everything else with grief, I'm gonna have to accept Spring. But I'll be taking my joy in the rainy-cloudy days, thankyouverymuch.
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