Stupidly Clever 'Cope' Pun

Incense. Candles. Reading. Writing. Visiting her grave. Seeing friends. Going for drives. Bereavement support groups. Meditating. Smoking (only sometimes). Drinking (only sometimes). Petting my cats. Watching TV. Singing. Sleeping in til 3 PM. Staying up til 8 AM. Dinner with my family. Twitter. Support group websites. Wikipedia'ing random stuff. Classical music. Celtic music. Eating Cheez-Its. Drinking Mt. Dew. Looking at photographs. Swearing. Staring at the sky. Blogging. Cracking dirty jokes. Making stupidly clever puns. Carrying a gratitude stone in my pocket. Dice-based RPGs. Internet porn. Sharing my story with random people. Trying new things. Remembering good times (when I'm able). Pizza Hut. Taco Bell. Rain. Buying shiny things online. Howling. Feeling in control of something. Not feeling fears I used to. Dreaming. Sleep. Wearing her hoodies. Wearing her socks. Giving no fucks. Sharing too much information. Love from my wife. Being.

These things help me cope with grief.

YET I STILL CRY EVERY FUCKING DAY

Don't get me wrong, I understand that crying is a coping mechanism itself. Still pisses me off. A song starts or a thought crosses my mind, and it's like a single piece of straw drifting down in the breeze and gently breaking the camel's back in a split-second. Happens a lot while driving. I'm just thinking "could I freakin' not ALWAYS be crying?"

When I'm alone of course. Crying goes in my back pocket like a photo when I'm in public. Ew. Can I just say, briefly, screw my society and it's views on men crying? Most of the rest of my society is cool, though. That Freedom Of Speech stuff is pretty handy. I believe that I have the fortitude to not be ashamed for crying in public. But this is a new development. And up until recently, my body was being programmed to never cry in public. So I can't. Which is just as well. I get enough frickin' crying done in private anyway. It's because some idiots don't know how to deal with a man crying, so they lash out, making my pain about their inability to feel any feelings besides anger. That's the theory, anyway. I'm no psychologist. I do feel psycho, sometimes, though, so that'll have to do. But admitting that sometimes I feel a little psycho helps me cope with sometimes feeling a little psycho! Or is it that admitting I feel psycho exacerbates my feeling like a psycho? Oh, dear. Maybe I should just stick with crying.

If you'd like to, comment with what helps you cope with grief! (Comments are anonymous unless you want to leave a name)