Hell if I know

I don't know what the afterlife is like (obviously) (if there is an afterlife)(gratuitous parentheses). But I want there to be an afterlife just so my wife can send me signs. I've asked her on numerous occasions to learn how to make the lights flicker. That's one I've seen in movies and stuff, where the ghosts make the lights flicker. I imagine it's something she can learn, right?

She just needs to get the hang of things, that's all. I'm sure the afterlife orientation is boring but necessary. You know, show her around heaven, give her the keys to her wings, tell her what hours the pool is open, that sort of thing. But once she's acclimated, I'd love for her to find out from someone who's been there awhile how to make lights in the real world flicker for me. She's got an awesome aunt who met her at the gate, maybe she can give my wife some pointers? If there's a technique, I'm sure she can pick it up easily.

I just miss the communication, you know? I used to be able to talk with my wife long into the night when reasonable people are all asleep. Even after 11 years together, we never ran out of stuff to say. If we can talk through the light fixtures, that'd be enough, you know? Although I'd feel like I was ordering drive-through, talking into a lamp. I'd do it, though, if it meant I could get messages to her in the afterlife. My Verizon plan doesn't give me paranormal texting, so I'd like a sign. I'd even pay for roaming.