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I don't say "forever" unless I mean it. Like when I say "I've been standing in the checkout line at Wal-Mart FOREVER!" Actually, at Wal-Mart, I usually "for-fucking-ever." Unless there's children standing in front of me or someone wearing a 'Property of Jesus Established 0 A.D.' t-shirt. Then I say "for-goddamn-muthafuckin-ever."

But I told my wife that I wouldn't "say forever" to her unless I meant it. When we first started dating, I was 15 and my mom told me the marriage wouldn't last three weeks. She was only wrong by about 19,266.7%. Approximately.

I proposed to my wife at 19. It was a formality, really. We didn't have a date in mind, we just knew that, yeah, we're sold with this relationship, wrap it up, we're gonna take it to go. I totally screwed up the proposal, though. You see, we had talked about the proposal, what she wanted and didn't want, and I knew enough to put some of my own creativity into it to make it special. In the Disneyworld complex in Florida (or as I like to call it, 'The Waltican' or 'Waltican City'), when you drive in, there's a big archway that reads "Walt Disney World: Where Dreams Come True." I proposed to her beneath that arch at twilight (not the stupid movie, the beautiful time of day). But! I remembered clearly in previous discussions she had told me that she didn't want me to propose down on one knee. It was just what she wanted.

So I pulled over to the side of the road under the arch and leaned from the driver's seat to the passenger's seat and opened the ring box and popped the question. She had kinda guessed that this was the proposal already and wasn't surprised, but was still ecstatic. We continued driving, we had dinner all lined up at The Rainforest Cafe in Downtown Disney. As she took a picture of the ring to upload to Facebook, she happily reminded me that actually, she had stated that she specifically wanted me to take a knee for the proposing, and was kinda bummed. Whoopsie! Boy, did that make me stammer! I promise I'll do better next time! Oh, wait...

That was at 19. And she was still so happy that I wasn't even in the doghouse for my botching the question. But the truth is that I told her "forever" long before that. Like a fool in love, I told her "forever" when I was 16. If I ever heard a 16-year old say "forever" I'd call him or her a bald-faced liar, or, at best, an ignoramus. But the truth is that I told her I wouldn't say forever unless I meant it. At 16, I probably was a liar and an ignoramus. But I meant it. And I kept my promise. In fact, "forever" wasn't nearly as long as they made it seem in the brochure. I think I'm gonna go read the terms and conditions, as a matter of fact. She was way too young for the term to "forever" to even apply, right? There's gotta be somebody I can sue.