Grief-ception

I've already lived through some major events without my wife: her birthday, my birthday, our anniversary, the release of Lady Dynamite on Netflix (seriously, everyone watch this). I've been learning. In five days, when I get to the first anniversary of her death, I can expect to feel a bit shitty on that particular day. I also know, from past experience, that I will likely have a griefburst, not on the anniversary, but the day before. Know what this means? Not only can I anticipate my regular grief, I can anticipating my anticipatory grief!

Maybe now, because I'm expecting it the day before, the griefburst will hit two days early? Grief is sneaky like that. Maybe I'll have two griefbursts, or none until the day after? But I know to expect...something! I'm totally ready for grief to- well, be unpredictable. Which vaguely sounds like I'm back to square one.

But I'll get through whatever it is. It's a miracle I made it this far at all. Another day won't kill me (knock on wood for freak meteor strikes, rampaging llamas, etc). But I'm watching you, grief, studying your patterns, learning the way you think. I'm inside your mind, grief! How does that make you feel? Oh wait, I already know, cuz I'm seeing your thoughts!