I don't want to reach out to people because I don't want them to think I need help, and nobody reaches out to me because they think I don't need help. Maybe help isn't the right word, since nobody can "help" with that whole my-wife-is-dead thing. But I would like...something? Company. But widowers sucks as company, and I would know: one keeps me company 24-7.
Part of me doesn't want to ask for support because I have a Y-chomosome. Part of me is just lazy. All of me is pretty sure nobody wants to listen to a one-sided outpouring of hard-to-relate-to feely-weelies. But I want somebody to talk to-hoo-hoo!
Mostly, I want my wife to talk to, but that's outside of possibility. Hell, I'd even just settle for folks who can take it in stride when I interject her into conversation. It would also be pretty sweet if I felt like taking initiative to reach out. But I will be doing no such thing. I'll be hiding, alone, and whining that nobody is reaching out to me. It's just easier that way.
#CryForHelp
#IDontNeedHelp
#Hashtag
I wish that people could/would understand how much the loneliness sucks. That is could be helped by just having people be there. Not to "help" not to "support" just to be. They don't understand how much a good conversation or company in a lonely moment can help. To say our lost loves names! To remember. To talk. They think it isn't enough. But it is so much.
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I think they just wish they could do more, or are afraid of the strong feelings. Or they think that if they talk about it with us, they will trigger our bad feelings. I don't need anyone to feel shitty, I can do it all by myself. But I can't talk about it with someone by myself, as much as I wish I could.
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