Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Morning people are my mortal enemy

If this were Facebook, I'd say, regarding my relationship with sleep, 'it's complicated.' I have trouble falling and staying asleep in the best of times, and grieving my wife sure ain't that. I put most of the blame on my brain, which is rarely my ally. No matter how tired I am, as soon as my head hits the pillow, it starts going thinkthinkthinkthinkthinkthinkthinkthinkthinkthinkthinkthinkaaaaaaaand it's daylight outside. By the way, to the chirping birds: you're not cute, you're freakin' assholes.

I've tried warm milk and melatonin, eye masks and listening to relaxing music. I've tried different pillows and blankets and mattresses and a variety of narcotics. I'll say, alcohol helped, but alcohol also blocks R.E.M. sleep, so it's not the refreshing, wake-up-not-wanting-to-strangle-somebody sleep. No Ambien, though. I'd rather not sleepwalk or sleepdrive or sleepsex (at least without somebody to do so with) like folks I know. If you have any better suggestions, I'm always looking for tips, but my brain has been fighting sleep for years, and it's a combat veteran.


The good news is that I also seem to be blessed with the ability to function on very little sleep, which is good, because otherwise, I probably just wouldn't function. Most of high school, I got ~4-5 hours of sleep a night and graduated fifth in my class, which doesn't say much for my graduating class. It's still fucking aggravating. Lying awake for hours, it's hard not to just get pissed off at my own noggin. I guess, what I'm saying is, if you could, leave me some sleep in the comments, pure R.E.M., uncut.

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