This is only a test

...but it does count for 100% of your final grade.

I recently, uhh, overwhelmed myself with feels by sharing this blog on my facebook with peopole who know me. And after I shared, I just had to keep along with the responses, you know, because facebook.

But the truth is that the responses were overwhelmingly warm and accepting. I can't thank everybody enough for their positive sentiments and words of wisdom.

So I figured I'd put that acceptance to the test!

I'm not usually particularly explicit about the cause of my wife's death yet. For many people I've met who are also in mourning, the cause of death is part of the introduction.

"My mom died three years ago, cervical cancer."

"My best friend was killed by a drunk driver."

That sort of thing. So here's the test. My wife died from cirrhosis of the liver. Alcohol-related. Vodka, if you must know. Does anyone want to change the answer they already wrote down?

To be honest, I take a bit too much pride in my bluntness. I lived through it, so it doesn't make me squeamish. I can tell you things like: "we thought we were OK because we never drank anywhere near as much as her binge-alcoholic mom used to drink" or maybe "it happened so much faster what it says about cirrhosis on WebMD." But it doesn't change the fact that my wife is dead as direct result of her and I making a conscious decision to get drunk pretty much every night.

To be honest, I really don't think the reality behind her death will make anyone withdraw their support. I don't think any of my family or friends are that shallow. But if there is even one so-called well-wisher that would judge the drinking so harshly as to let it cloud their empathy, I want that one person to quietly excuse him- or herself from the classroom. I really do have faith in the quality of the company I keep, but I'm also in a period of my life marked by profound uncertainty. Thanks for listening, truly.

Just remember: this was only a test.

Note: I  will be grading you all on a "check, check-plus, check-minus" scale. Make sure to have your parents sign your report cards and bring them back to me by the end of the week