Haters gon' hate

I hate my life. How will I make this funny and worth the read? Good question. I like a challenge. Some idiots say "I hate my life" just to exaggerate and hyperbolize a lame situation they're in. I used to be one of those idiots. I didn't get any smarter, I just had my life fall into a septic tank. The messed up part (like there's only one) is that I know my life could get worse. One or both of my cats could die, I could crash my car, my folks could kick me out (and no, I wasn't living with my parents when my wife was alive...recently). Tomorrow, I could be abducted by aliens and spend the rest of my life rectally attached to a supercomputer. And yet, I still don't feel like it's a hyperbole to say "I hate my life" right now, you know?

So it's the worst time of my life, and it could get worse, somehow. Isn't that special? But it does give me hope for that bullshit cliche I've heard that there are better days ahead, that just because those good times are over it doesn't mean you'll never have times that good again. I guess it kinda has to be true, right? But to be honest, those kinds of words of wisdom and sentiments of hope piss me off a bit, do you get that? Those cliches have been around forever! Only in the aftermath of the death of my favorite person in the world does the message really "click." Same with "I hate my life."  Back in early 2015, I had no idea the boundless depths of "I hate my life" that we're achievable in my lifetime! Like some astronaut I departed into the unknown to realize that it was only unknown to me. There's a buttload of cliches already about it. I'm familiar with the cliches, in fact. Like if Neil Armstrong had stepped out of the lunar lander and found a time-share community there already bored of the place.

Since my wife died I've met a bunch of other folks who've lost people they really gave a shit about. These are some people who really get the gravity of "I hate my life." Don't get me wrong, I don't judge people who say they hate their life because of something more mundane. Like I don't judge you if you say you hate your life because you dropped out of college 9 credits short of your degree and had a baby with someone you met at a rave who surprise! turned out to be a tweaker. I do scoff, though, quietly, to myself. Because you could drop your troubles and skip town if you really wanted. I can't hop a Greyhound away from my grief. So I scoff. But I don't judge. If I had a time machine, I'd scoff at my tender 26-year-old self, all wet behind the ears. Actually, duh, I'd use the time machine to make my wife not die. But I can't. I actually did try. My uncle has a time machine but there's that damn time-travel paradox. So I guess I'm stuck hating my life. But hey, it could get worse! There's something to look forward to! And so yeah, it could also get better like the cliches all say. Grumble grumble...