The LOL-ing Stones

Sometime earlier this week, a blog post was laid out for me, and I found it tonight. My wife's headstone finally got put in, and much to my lack of surprise, her family totally fucked it up. The reason why this is a blog subject is because I found it hilarious. I'm actually glad it took so long to come in, because if it'd come in even a few months ago, I might be kind of upset. But really, it's something she and I would've laughed about.

As I talked about before, at the funeral, one of her family members came up to me and asked me directly what I wanted on the stone. I said "She Will Be Loved" which is the title of our song and, in my opinion, a nice message for someone who's passed on. Ignoring that entirely, they put her legal last name in parentheses (she took my name when we married) and left her maiden name as if that were her married name. Bit misleading, if you ask me. Someone might think my name was her family name and vice-versa. They also included "Daughter, granddaughter, sister and wife" in that order, a clear attempt to minimize what I meant to her. If they all think they were more important to her than I was, I don't mind letting them think that, because I'm the one with the memories, not just the imaginative wishes, regarding her opinions. Could be worse, though. The only obnoxiously Christian imagery was an angel: at least they spared her the disgrace of an unwanted cross.

There's a chance that the reason the stone is so different from what I requested was because I remember hearing that the family member who would be taking charge of the stone was developing some kind of dementia. But from everything my wife told me about her family, it wouldn't shock me in the least if another family member butted in and took control for their own easement. And it was really similarly worded to the newspaper obituary, which I know wasn't composed by that particular family member.

I think the only reason I'm actually a little annoyed is because I'm the one who has to look at the thing -- because I actually visit her. My wife wouldn't be surprised either, to find out that her family used her headstone for their own self-centered reasons. But honestly, it has all the makings of a running joke between us, if, you know, she wasn't dead. All I can say is she died knowing who really did and didn't care about who she was as a person. Based on that gravestone, she was right.

As I've mentioned before, I'm working on writing projects inspired by and honoring my wife's memory. I think I know which memorial she would've liked better. But what do I know about my wife's opinions? I only have countless memories of her expressing them.